David (watching video): "You can't beat Tom Cruise. He's very good-looking." Victoria: "You should keep that to yourself, babe." Victoria: "He likes Julia Roberts, and he got stuck with poor old Posh."
Victoria (in car going to Old Trafford): "I'm looking forward to it. I'd be looking forward to it even more if I could remember who we're actually playing." David: "Get this on camera - she's cleaning up." Victoria (indignantly): "I do clean up." David: "You don't though... you don't... no really, you don't."
Victoria: "I've got facial hair." David: "You have... no really, you have."
Victoria: "When I was at school I was a complete minger."
Victoria: "What was that film we watched last night?" David: "What Lies Beneath." Victoria: "Scary film." David: "It was so scary." Victoria: "We wanted to go to the toilet but we didn't have the nerve to go. We were so scared weren't we?" David: "We was."
David: "I seen her in that catsuit and that done it for me."
Victoria: "You did well today, didn't you?" David: "I was only on for ten minutes." Victoria: "I know, but you still did well." David: "You didn't even watch the game."
David: "We were together for 12 or 13 days in the end." Victoria (correcting him): "Apart." David: "Mmmm... must be thinking of my other girlfriend. I don't know why they call me thick." Victoria: "I don't know why they call you thick, babe."
Victoria: "That giving birth - oooh, I loved it." David: "It was a Caesarean! You don't even feel it." Victoria: "It's so exciting though, isn't it?"
Victoria: "I put Brooklyn in the fish tank and I made David sleep on the floor with his head against the door to stop anyone coming in."
Victoria: "Jordan does full-frontal with her crutch and tits showing. And she thinks I'm a bad influence. I think she's vile."
David (on his wedding): "I wasn't as nervous as Gary (Neville) was. Gary was so nervous. I walked into his bedroom and he was stood there with a deodorant can, practicing."
Victoria: "If he were to leave me or anything like that, I would die of a broken heart. I would."
Victoria: "No-one fancies me. I don't know whether I have to do FHM - crutch shots and short skirts. I don't know what it is. There must be someone out there. I'm on the telly for Gods' sake! Even if it's just because you think I'm rich!"
David: "She eats. Y'know, she eats. I'm with her whenever, I cook her meals and she eats loads and loads."
Interviewer: "Why do you think everyone thinks you've had a boob job?" Victoria: "Because I've got a big old pair of boobs!"
David: "There are people who love Victoria. There are people who love me. Then there are other people."
David: "It's going to be great this documentary, innit?" Victoria: "D'you know, I think you should just shut up - it's going to be better than yours. You weren't even in your documentary. You couldn't spare the time to be in your own documentary." David: "It wasn't my documentary. Someone just decided to make one of me." Victoria: "No, it was your documentary." David: "It wasn't my documentary." Victoria: "You just didn't want to be in it." David: "Don't make me sound horrible, I had nothing to do with it."
Don't you just love 'em?