1) "Sure, I like a pint, but so what?" - Carlton Palmer earlier this year. A two-year driving ban after crashing his Range Rover into the side of a taxi and then running away, is probably the answer.2) "He never shuts up. Talks some rubbish, but we throw that away and sometimes some intelligence comes out" - Gordon Strachan.
3) "I was watching some golf this morning and that was as good a swing as I have seen all day" - Strachan again after watching a particularly ungainly Palmer red-card offence.
4) "I earn more than all you wankers put together" - Palmer's alleged response after being arrested for indecent assault back in 1997.
5) "He isn't the best player in the world, but he can stop those that think they are" - Graham Taylor tries to justify his fascination with all things Palmer.
6) "Carlton Palmer can trap the ball further than I can kick it" - Ron Atkinson, who actually liked him and signed him twice.
7) "We reckon Carlton covers every blade of grass... but then you have to if your first touch is that crap" - Dave Jones, his then-manager at Southampton.
8) "Dennis Wise, Vinnie Jones and John Fashanu must be turning in their graves" - Palmer last year, lamenting the death of hard tackling and, rather prematurely, the deaths of three very-much-alive players.
9) "If football were meant to be art, God wouldn't have invented Carlton Palmer" - broadcaster Dominik Diamond.
10) "He's a winner" - Stockport skipper Mike Flynn on hearing of his new manager's identity. For the record, Palmer's trophy haul currently stands at absolutely nothing. He has been on the losing side in three cup finals though...